


You and Me and the Galaxy

by orphan_account



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M, PWP, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 09:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PWP, slash. Based on and set after "Bodyswap." Rimmer's hedonistic adventures in Lister's body begin a series of discussions that lead to a valiant attempt at human/hologram sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and Me and the Galaxy

It went without saying that Lister never dreamt on the day he first boarded the Red Dwarf that he'd end up where he was now. The list of things he would never have even considered he'd do was like the universe in that it was infinite and constantly expanding. One of the last things on that list was having sex with a hologram, and the  _absolute_  last thing was having sex with Arnold J. Rimmer.

Indeed, although his relationship with his bunkmate had changed after the radiation leak from straight-up enemies to possibly,  _maybe_  friends, he could not say that he'd even thought about the possibility until Rimmer talked him into the mind-swap.

It had been Rimmer's doing, really, albeit unintentionally. When Lister had generously lent him his body, he'd gone mad. It had taken its toll, three million years without eating or bathing… or wanking. When Lister had finally reclaimed the corpus, amongst all the aches and pains Rimmer had left it with, he'd found a nearly raw cock and a sore bum to boot. When questioned Rimmer had argued that after three million years, he'd been so deprived he'd wanted to try everything he could think of.

"But in MY body?" Lister had spat back. "That wasn't your willy you were wringing, ya smeggin' bastard."

"You were perfectly welcome to try the holographic alternative," Rimmer had argued.

"But it's you! It's your body!" In the months they'd been trapped together, he'd admittedly grown to stop hating his cabinmate, but there was a level of decency, of respect. A polite distance, even when they'd lived in each other's bodies.

"Do you mean to tell me that you didn't even consider trying anything the whole time?" Rimmer had sounded downright offended.

"I couldn't even figure out how to get the clothes off," Lister'd replied. "I tried takin' off the boots one night and they'd keep rematerializing on me feet."

"You could have asked me or Holly for help," Rimmer had said, dejectedly.

"I didn't want to," Lister had said. "You just don't DO that when you're borrowing someone's body."

"Well I am sorry," Rimmer had sounded, not sounding sorry at all. Of all the hologram's projection issues, the realism of the infuriated, embarrassed blush was unmistakable. "You're lucky I didn't keep your body till I died in it or else you'd know what it's like to go three million years without a real, normal orgasm."

As their bickering progressed the topic eventually came up as to how underwhelming it was to even try it when one was a hologram. Sure, there was something. Lister had always wondered exactly how much the program included, especially when he'd learned that Rimmer could "eat" and "drink" in his own way.

After enough pestering and shaming—"You weren't even uncomfortable at all whacking off in my body, ya smeggin' pervert?" had been Lister's main argument—Rimmer had finally broken and admitted his secret.

"After a few years I couldn't take it anymore and I had to do something," he'd confessed after Holly had administered a few simulated tequila sunrises one night as they whiled away the hours in the ship's bar. Cat had long since gone off to stalk shadows in the cargo decks and Kryten was recharging himself, and neither of the remaining men were quite ready to turn in for the night. "It took me weeks to get the codes right. The first time I tried to run it I nearly shorted myself out for good."

"You wrote a program so you could come?" Lister had chocked around his beer. "You're rubbish with software. You're lucky ya didn't destroy y'self after all."

"If you had to choose between being completely celibate for the rest of eternity or dying having the most mind-blowing orgasm you could ever imagine…" Rimmer had simply shrugged.

"Is it really that good?" Lister asked, perhaps sincerely interested only because of his drunken state.

"No, like you said, I'm rubbish with software." Rimmer had begun to wallow in his usual self-pity. "But it's better than nothing. I couldn't have lasted this long without it. I'd have gone stark ravin' mad."

"What's it… what's it like?" Lister'd sadly studied the last lager within arm's reach, knowing he was too pished to get up in search of another, and also too pished to give a smeg about what Rimmer might think of him for asking.

"Like anything else, I guess. Comes out kinda like static. I mean like a spark except without any charge," Rimmer had spoken so openly, Lister was unable to tell whether he was being clinical or somber. "I didn't put a lot of thought into energy transferring, either, so I usually flicker a little each time."

"I'd give a year 'a me life to see that," Lister had laughed aloud as he lay comfortably on the table. "I really would, Rimsy. If I'd 'a known I coulda made sparks come outta me knob, maybe I woulda wanked in your body after all."

The morning after had been the beginning of serious conversation regarding the subject. Lister remembered falling asleep in the ship's bar with his face in a full ashtray, but he awoke with a tremendous headache in his bunk. Rather, he was certain it was his bunk until he reached for his blanket and found it to be gone, and upon sitting upright to look for it, realized that his nudie pics and concert flyers had been replaced with a collection of flintlocks and a "no smoking" sign.

"What the smeg am I doin' in Rimmer's bunk," he'd muttered, twisting his hair around his head to cover his eyes.

"I couldn't get the skutters to lift you into your own," Rimmer's voice sliced through the throb in his head. "That much dead weight and all. They worked so hard dragging you in here, they all went off to form a labor union afterward."

Lister'd wheezed and pulled his grimy t-shirt up to cover the rest of his face. "It's too early for jokes."

"It's two in the afternoon, you lazy smegger," Rimmer'd replied angrily. Perhaps shame from the evening's discussion had started him out in a foul mood.

"Oh, sure, all you have to do is tell Holly to turn off your hangover sequence or whatever it is you do," Lister had growled, flinching against the loudness of his own voice.

"If you think it's so easy being a hologram, why were you so set on getting your body back?" Rimmer had argued.

"Cuz I couldn't go two weeks without havin' a regular wank," Lister had grinned into the t-shirt, especially at the sound of Rimmer's exasperated sigh.

"About that," Rimmer had said stiltedly. "Forget that entire conversation."

"You're embarrassed about that?" Lister'd dared to lower the t-shirt to study Rimmer's face. "You ran around in my body for two weeks, eating like a pig at a trough and putting god-knows-what up me bum, and you're embarrassed about  _that_?"

Rimmer had seemed relieved to change the subject. "You would've done the same thing."

"No. I wouldn't 've," Lister'd said, mustering the most serious face he could. "I don't fancy it in the bum."

"That's all you live for, isn't it?" Rimmer had spewed, pacing around their shared quarters and waving his arms about in front of him. "You feed off of my humiliation, don't you? If it's not one thing, it's another. If you're not nagging me for enjoying my first time in a real body in three million years, you're laughing at me for making an alternative for myself."

"I wasn't laughin' at ya," Lister had given up trying to combat the ringing in his ears, and he'd sat up and tried to keep from smiling, knowing it would only upset Rimmer further. "I was just interested, that's all."

"Interested! What a load of utter smeg."

"Rimmer," Lister'd tried as the hologram headed for the door, probably looking to go hide in the science lab and pout about all his imagined slights. "Look, if it makes ya feel any better, I wasn't lyin' when I said I'd like to see it."

"You don't really mean that," Rimmer'd said, turning up his chin and folding his arms behind his back.

"I do, man, I really do," Lister had insisted. "Alterin' your program, writin' new programs, all that—it's uh… it's impressive." It hadn't been a lie, although he'd struggled to sound convincing.

"Well," it had been clear that Rimmer was trapped between being offended and flattered. "I am rather proud of it, really. To be honest I've… well I've always wished I could show it off to someone besides Holly."

And that had been the start of it. A week passed before either of them got up the nerve to actually go through with it. It took several days for them to convince themselves that it was only to satisfy Lister's curiosity and only so Rimmer could demonstrate his software, and then when Rimmer had suggested that Lister join as a participant rather than an observer—"I can't just _perform_  with you watching me like a scientist with a lab rat, after all," he'd argued—, they were set back a few more days before they agreed that there would be absolutely no feeling attached to it. Just a couple of blokes having a wank together. Nothing wrong with that.

Lister had managed to convince himself that it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do, even when Rimmer started making comments likening himself to one of Alexander's peers, particularly Hephaestion. "The Greeks! Now there's a lot that  _really_  knew how to do it," he'd say, pacing about in the corridors. It wasn't until the morning before they finally shared the bottom bunk that Lister realized it was Rimmer's way of assuaging his own unease about what they were about to do.

By that morning it was still unplanned. They'd discussed it several times, although neither had the courage to make the first move, to take the lead. Indeed, it was Holly who finally took the first step for them.

That morning, after Kryten finished serving Lister's breakfast and Cat had gone off to do whatever it was he did during his free time, Rimmer sat contentedly at the cabin's table with a skutter at either side of him, organizing his antique stamp collection for what Lister was sure was the thousandth time.

"Mr. Rimmer, sir," Kryten began as he cleared away Lister's plates. "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but today is scheduled maintenance for the working skutters."

"Very well," Rimmer waved his hand dismissively, continuing to direct the ones working beside him. "I'd recommend starting with that one on Beta deck with the loose wheel. It wobbles a bit."

Kryten hesitated, glancing warily from Rimmer to Lister. "Well, if it isn't too much trouble, sir, I've been putting it off for quite a while, and I really must insist that the skutters be relieved of their duty for the duration of the day."

"They're just skutters, Kryten," Rimmer sighed and rolled his eyes. "They're not like another particular mechanoid I know. They obey orders."

"Sir-," Kryten glanced helplessly at Lister, who shrugged, unknowing.

At this, Holly flickered on in the display screen. "How's it going with the skutters, Kryten?" she droned.

"You're part of this too?" Rimmer smirked. "I didn't think it sounded like Kryten, but  _you_  certainly would be the type to forget to run maintenance until the very last minute."

"I've a lot of other important things to think about," Holly replied. She blinked emotionlessly and the skutters gave a soft whir as they powered down.

"Holly!" Rimmer spat, standing up so fast his thighs moved through the tabletop. "How do you expect me to get anything done?"

"Perhaps, sir," Kryten piped up excitedly. "Perhaps Mr. Lister could help you with your collection."

"Oh, no," Lister replied, crawling back to the bunks. "I've a full schedule today."

"Doing what? Spelunking for crumbs in your navel?" Rimmer folded his arms. "It certainly couldn't be that vital if it's something you want to do."

"About as vital as playing with stamps," Lister spat back.

"Forgot to mention, Dave," Holly persisted, unfazed by the bickering. "The cinema's under maintenance today, too. As is the ship's pub, the recreation hall, and the officer's mess. All in-cabin entertainment programs will be offline today as well."

Lister groaned, particularly when Rimmer beamed joyfully. "And when do  _you_  have your maintenance, eh?"

"Hmm, never thought about that," Holly pondered.

"Well, sirs, if you will be excusing me," Kryten butted back in, easing the skutters out of the cabin.

"I expect them back online by this evening," Rimmer said, sitting back down at his spot by the table. "And that  _is_  an order, Kryten."

"Yes, sir." Kryten paused in the doorway. "And… sirs? Have fun." With that, he was off, and Rimmer turned wearily to Lister.

"He expects me to have fun when I can't even organize my stamps," he sighed.

"Maybe he meant fun like," Holly paused, and in a flash Rimmer's clothing dematerialized, leaving him nude but his boxer shorts and socks, complete with suspenders that matched his green hologram uniform which he no longer wore.

"Holly!" Rimmer nearly screeched as Lister laughed out loud at the sight. "Don't you dare tell me the modesty code in my visual program is offline, too, or I'll have Kryten take out your motherboard and have it thoroughly sand-blasted."

"No," Holly replied with the most coyness her software would allow. "I was just thinkin', since the two of you have nothing else to do today…"

"I see what this is all about," Lister stood and approached the display screen. "Don't you?"

"What is  _what_  about?" Rimmer wrapped his arms around his chest, shielding himself from Lister's gaze.

"Everything is under maintenance in the same day, but we don't get any notice until the day of," Lister started, holding up a finger for each point he made. "Cut off from all entertainment and any other way to distract ourselves. Kryten tells us to have  _fun_."

"Oh." Rimmer grimaced. "Holly, you can't just… force something like this."

"Oh yeah?" she said. "I'm tired of listening to you two talk about it every day." A moment later, Rimmer disappeared and reappeared sprawled out on his bunk.

"Holly!"

"Maybe she's got a point," Lister said, perhaps moved by seeing Rimmer in a way he'd rarely seen him in before. "How many times have we mentioned it and we still haven't even… tried?"

"Well," Rimmer struggled to meet his eyes. "I'm not doing anything unless you're all laid out, too."

"Alright, alright," Lister stood and lazily retrieved a lager from the cold storage unit and held his pack of cigarettes in his mouth as he shucked off his clothes.

"Must you really have those within immediate reach?" Rimmer asked scornfully as Lister sat gingerly on the edge of the bunks his shorts.

"I can't get me rocks off unless I have a smoke and a brew as soon as I'm done," Lister replied.

"Well, fine. Just don't blow any of that smoke in my direction." Rimmer said, visibly sneering when Lister tore off the cellophane and tossed it at the garbage bin, missing by several feet.

"As many cigars as you had when you were in my body, I don't s'pose a little puff is going to kill you," Lister grinned at Rimmer's clenched jaw. "Might kill me, though."

"Are you planning on spending this whole time trying to shame me or do you want to-…"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Very well. Holly," Rimmer continued with his arms still wrapped protectively around his body. "Let's begin, shall we?"

"Sure," she nodded, and a moment later he was letting out a tremendous moan and flickering so dramatically Lister could clearly see his light-bee hovering inches above the bunk. It continued for a few steady moments and when it was over he lay prone on the bunk, gasping for his simulated breath.

"Holly, you… you…" he chocked, shaking, "smegging idiot!"

"What the smeggin' hell was that?" Lister said. He'd leapt up from the bunk for fear of catching a stray transmission, and only now that Rimmer seemed to be his usual furious self he slowly sat back down.

"That was the program," Rimmer said, rubbing his brow. "The  _whole_  program. The first time I ever show it to anyone and Holly makes sure I can't even get my boxers off before it's all over."

"Sorry, Arnold," Holly said apathetically as her face appeared on the cabin's viewscreen.

"Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand, you smegging idiot," Rimmer grumbled, still panting. "Just do it again and this time give me some build-up."

"Sorry, can't do that, either," she deadpanned. "There's a delay of an hour before you can even try again."

"What? Why?!" he spat, shaking so vigorously Lister couldn't help but flinch.

"Energy conservation," she replied. "That and it's meant to simulate the authentic experience."

"I could get going again a lot sooner than an hour when I was alive," Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Who wrote this program, anyway?"

"You did." Lister could have sworn he detected a hint of a smile on the face he knew was incapable of smirking.

"Oh, great," Rimmer groaned. With a frustrated glance back at Lister he sighed and crossed his arms. "Well now that you've completely ruined this for me, Holly, you're free to smeg the hell off."

"Don't mind if I do," she replied, coolly. "I've watched the Cat cough up hairballs less repulsive than this. Nothing personal of course, lads."

Rimmer stiffly flipped a V at the screen as Holly's face flickered off. When she was gone he threw himself back on the bunk so hard he would've hurt himself had he not been a hologram.

Lister was unsure what to say. Even now he still found the situation so awkward hat he'd yet to even get hard. All the times he'd considered it before, there had been no problem, but now that they were actually here like this, he didn't even know where to start.

"There's no use sulkin', mate," he tried, finally.

"That's easy for you to say," Rimmer continued to pout. "I've been waiting three million years to lose…" at this he froze and glanced at Lister stonily. "Well, I mean, three million years is a long time to fly solo. I was quite a bicycle during my life, mind you. I was so used to regular sex with rather attractive women, it was a difficult transition being alone for once in my life."

"Right," Lister laughed, easily seeing straight through the technician's bullsmeg. "Ya really expect me to believe that?"

Rimmer's grimace grew darker and he moved to get up from the lower bunk where they were crammed in together. "I can't believe I thought this was a good idea. I can't believe I let you talk me into taking part in one of your perverted escapades."

"Did you die a virgin?" Lister asked, trying not to sound patronizing and failing despite his best efforts.

"That's it, if you're just going to belittle me—…"

"Rimmer, wait," Lister tried to grab his wrist and was surprised even now to see his hand sweep through the intangible photon projection.

Suddenly he felt quite serious. He knew Rimmer was a hologram, of course. He'd never forgotten. It took only a while to get used to the concept when he'd first come out of stasis. When a bloke wakes up and finds out he very well might be the last human alive, accepting that his dead crewmate is now a hologram is the least of his concerns. Accepting that it was Rimmer was the hardest part.

Nonetheless, he hadn't given a lot of thought until recently how it must've been for Rimmer. How frequently he must've forgotten that he was dead, too. He could experience everything but only as an observer. He could watch everyone around him living their lives, but he couldn't even bend to pick up a coin off the floor.

"I don't suppose you have any interest in this anymore." The sudden self-pity in Rimmer's voice was achingly obvious. "This usually doesn't happen, by the way. I usually don't cream my shorts like some adolescent school-boy. It's that senile smegging computer's fault."

"It's fine," Lister said, uncertain.

"It isn't!" Rimmer shook with rage. "I'm destined to fail at everything I try."

"Oh, for smeg's sake." Lister moved to roll off the bunk, but as he imagined shuffling off into the corridors and remembered that everything was offline for the duration of the day, he stopped and looked back at Rimmer's brooding face. "Look, we've some time to kill. And I don't intend on killin' it by listenin' to stories about your greatest Risk campaigns."

Rimmer's jaw clenched. "And just what do you suggest we do, then, hmm?"

Lister lay back on the bunk again and ran his hand down his chest and belly. "I'm  _not_  a hologram." He slowly pulled down his shorts, gauging Rimmer's reaction. "I don't have to depend on Holly to get me'self off."

Rimmer snorted hard and Lister wasn't sure whether it was his rage worsening. But a moment later he blinked slowly and shook his head. "Yes," he said, and nothing else.

Lister pushed his shorts down his thighs a little further, wondering why he had been so comfortable streaking and skinny dipping with his mates back on Earth, but suddenly felt so scrutinized under Rimmer's eye. It wasn't as if he wanted to impress the hologram. And it certainly wasn't as if Rimmer hadn't seen everything when they'd swapped bodies. But still, he found himself studying Rimmer's face as he took himself in hand, stroking his limp dick. He found himself forgetting to think about Kochanski, forgetting about that great porno mag he'd picked up on Titan IV. Watching Rimmer watch him, he found himself forgetting his reservations, found himself turning hard against his hand.

"Ya like that, Rimsy?" he said, his voice cracking with nerves. "Betcha do."

"Hmm." Rimmer stretched out beside him, bracing his head on his hand, propping himself up to get an optimal view.

It had been a long time, Lister suddenly realized, since he'd really let himself whack off in a leisurely way. The whole time he'd been on the Red Dwarf in shared quarters he'd been hesitant to spend any more time on it than was necessary, and when he'd been cabined with Rimmer he'd learned to limit himself to the shower and hardly anything else. Back in the days before the radiation leak, he'd figured it would be better to get reported to the captain for having a fag on duty than for jerking off in his own bunk.

He never would have guessed he'd be jerking off in his bunk 3 million years later with Rimmer watching over him, biting his holographic lip and clenching his holographic fists with each slow, deliberate stroke.

"What do you want me to do?" Lister asked, not yet sure how to be an exhibitionist.

"Finger y'self," Rimmer breathed.

"What do you want me to do  _besides_  that?"

"Come on," Rimmer pleaded.

"Ever heard of a fixation, man?" Lister replied, furious with himself as he could feel his face reddening.

"It's hard not to be fixated on a bottom as broad as the aft cargo bay doors," Rimmer spat, holding his hands apart a good two feet. "What are you so afraid of, anyway? I wouldn't ask you to do anything I didn't know your body could handle."

"That's what's so disturbing, is I know you're tellin' the truth," Lister said. As Rimmer continued to study him demandingly, he added, "I'm not gonna do it and that's final."

"Smegging coward," Rimmer sneered. "Vanilla bastard."

Lister couldn't stand to be insulted by someone who'd died a virgin. Surrendering, he gave a heavy sigh and kicked off his boxers, and as they landed softly on the table he brought his hand to his mouth and boldly sucked on his fingers. Letting his spit trail onto his chin he lifted his knee and reached his arm under his thigh, and then he quickly pushed his middle finger into himself, eliciting a groan and a shiver from the hologram. It wasn't as bad as he imagined, and the way he could hear Rimmer's labored breaths beside him were enough to keep him going.

"You're a right filthy smegger," Lister snarled through gritted teeth, turning to study the hologram's reaction as he struggled to jack himself off and finger himself in steady time. "Look at ya, y've broken your own program and got a holo-stiffy."

Rimmer ran his hands over his own body, limited to touching only himself, although Lister could've sworn he could feel the faint electrical presence beside him growing stronger. "Ooh, I wish I could fuck you, Lister."

"What the smeg does that mean?"

"Nevermind," Rimmer barked as Lister slowed. "Keep going."

Lister did just that, adding a second finger and lifting his knee further to be certain Rimmer could see him. His initial reservations were all but gone, and seeing Rimmer's fist tighten in the front of his shorts made him wonder why he'd been hesitant at all.

"Let's have a look at you, then," he mumbled, trying to keep his wits about him.

Rimmer nodded. "Holly, boxers off. Holly?" When nothing happened, he groaned angrily. "Smegging computer, she's disconnected herself in this room."

"Can't blame 'er," Lister shrugged. "Guess that means I don't get to see ya come after all."

"Oh, that idiot! Nothing ever goes right for me!" Rimmer yelled, beginning to tremble.

"Calm down," Lister tried to keep steady with his weight balancing too heavily on his shoulders.

"How am I supposed to calm down when I can't even show you the only thing you're here for?"

"We'll just do it next time," Lister sighed, growing weary of the histrionics. "We'll do it in the science lab or wire the manual controls in here, I don't know."

"N-next time?" Rimmer stammered. "You mean you'd actually want to do this again?"

Lister wasn't sure what to say, and he found it rather difficult to consider every possible answer with one hand around his cock and the other working two fingers in his bum. Had the situation been different, he supposed, perhaps he would've thought to say something more meaningful than, "Of course, you daft arsehole. Quit ya squawkin' and talk me off."

Rimmer seemed completely baffled. His expression was somewhere between delight and utter shock. Lister wondered whether he hadn't glitched for a few moments until he saw Rimmer's hand continue to stroke the fly of his boxers.

"Come on, then," Lister sighed at the sight.

"Oh, right," Rimmer coughed. "Uh, tilt your hand a little more."

"Like this?"

"No, up more. Push your fingers in."

" _Oh_." Lister shivered hard and turned his gaze to the hologram's face.

"Thought you would like that," Rimmer said smugly.

"You'd know," Lister replied. "Ya spent enough time smeggin' around with my arse, ya ought to."

"If I had a body that's just one of the things I would do to you," Rimmer said, giving himself a hard squeeze. "If I could touch you I'd throw you on your back and then I'd really show you a thing or two."

Lister laughed aloud, although it came out as gasp as much as laughter. Maybe it had been too long, he told himself. Maybe that was why the thought of the things Rimmer was breathing fervently into his ear made him shake harder with each pump of his fist. It couldn't be that Rimmer was really the one getting him into this state. He tried to force his mind away, tried to make himself call out to Kochanski when he came, but he could do neither. Instead it was a wordless sigh—he finished into his hand and Rimmer groaned eagerly beside him.

"God, that's fantastic," the hologram muttered, reaching as if to stroke the soft skin on Lister's belly where he'd spilled onto himself, but stopping short, not quite ready to completely enforce the truth that they could never really touch each other as long as one of them was limited to a holographic existence.

Lister wondered why the feeling of completion was suddenly so bittersweet, and he tried to distract himself by catching the end of his blanket with his toes and yanking it down to wipe his hands.

"You're disgusting," Rimmer commented as Lister patted his sweaty brow with the wadded blanket. "You're completely feral, you know that?"

"And you're still rock hard," Lister replied, snagging the lager he'd left on the floor and cracking it open. Sipping it while it was still dripping foam, he pondered the poignancy of the sight before him—a holographic boner trapped in pair of holographic Space Corps regulation shorts.

"How long until the program lets you come again?"

"It's an hour between each time," Rimmer sighed sadly. "I was much more concerned about energy conservation three million years ago, I suppose."

"And how long was that just now?" Lister asked, too sated and weary to bother making fun of his crewmate.

"About fifteen minutes, I'd say."

"Well," Lister lay back on bunk and let the beer drip onto his bare chest. "You'd better go get Holly back in here before then so I can get a peek at it this time."

"I can't leave like this! What if someone sees me in my undies?" Rimmer firmly shook his head. "No sir-ee."

Lister folded an arm behind his head and pretended to read the label on his can.

"Oh, you are a smegging bastard, Listy," Rimmer grumbled, rising from the bunk, so frustrated that he didn't bother to keep from moving straight through Lister's body. Lister could've sworn he could feel the faint electrical warmth from the light-bee as Rimmer passed over him.

"A smeggin' bastard who'll be waiting for ya when ya get back," Lister replied.

Rimmer paused in the doorway and stared back at him. "You'd better be."

And in that moment, grinning back at Rimmer in his socks and suspenders, Lister had no intention of leaving.


End file.
